Friday, November 03, 2006

Cobra Commander Talks Halloween

I know this post is late, but I couldn't help it! I've been busy fighting the 'Joes!

On Saturday, I was invited by the Society of Evil Bad Guys to a social gathering to talk about plans for taking over the world, evil inventions, and of course, girls. Leaving Destro and The Baroness for some "Alone Time" (Destro likes the hard whips...), I arrived at the designated headquarters. I got to chat with Venom, The Joker, Alex (from Clockwork Orange), The Zombie Scare Crow, and this new guy who didn't even have a name. He didn't even seem to have any super powers or anything. He just sort of bled out all over the place. I guess his evil plan is give harmful disieses to his enimies.

After an hour, Joe and Daniel Hawkins (from my favorite band the Darkness, next to Clay Aikin, of course) picked me up so we could rendez-vous at our equally evil friend, White Trash Bashalder. There, I got to have the most delightful chat with Teen Wolf. Did you know that Pert Plus really works? He never has a split hair, ANYWHERE!

Shortly afterwards, I recieved a call from Jackie Kennedy. Ok, the secret is out, her husband was the one who funded COBRA's operations in the 60's. After his death his wife and I remained friends. We'd chat over tea every thursday. She was in the neighbourhood and invited me to a shindig at a loft converted to a dance party.

I had to walk through an alley to get to the place, so I knew it HAD to be good. Inside I saw all kinds of characters - Thing 1 and 2 from Dr. Seuss, A Telletuby (the drunk one), both Borat AND Ali G, evil genius Tony Clifton, and evn Darth Vader. Woh that guy is such an asshole. He steals the designs from my metal mask and didn't even give me a chance to have a picture with him, let a lone simple thanks. I already gave the orders to Destro to detroy the Death Star. Take that, bitch!

I was crashing downtown and needed to attend the party at my final destination (Destro phoned and said he needed the place to himself, that dirty dog).
Upon reaching the apartment, I encounted more interesting people including the most evil person of them all, Chris Dye, the lawyer!

By 2:30am, The Joker and his friends crashed the party then decided crashing 1 party wasn't enough and ask me to direct him and his companions to the loft party. After kidnapping Adrienne, we returned to the Loft Party, dropped them off and then returned to Adrienne's in time to see all of her guests leave. This made her sad. I added all of those people names to my list of "people to kill". Zartan will be occupied for a while.

By 4am I was fast asleep. By 9am I was wide awake.

At 2:30pm I decided to invade Old Navy. Unfortunately they confused me with someone else and forced me to sell clothes. Little did the costumers know that I swapped all the good quality clothes with cheap imitations! Muhahah! (What, thats not evil enough for you?)

Not only did I leave my mark behind but I came in second place for best uniform ever designed (and won an HMV gift certificate).

Finally by 7pm I returned to COBRA headquarters and got a back to work on planning to destroy the G.I.Joes!

Pictures of my night can be found at:


Anonymous said...

As they say in the 80's. Awesome. Awesome to the Max.


Adrienne said...

Thanks for offering to kill the people that left my party. It means a lot to me. :)

lauren (xena) said...

hey buds, good to see the spirit of Cobra Commander lives on in you... looking pretty swish!
Inconsolably upset that I missed Halloween due to absence from country, but the pictures of you with a teatowel over your face almost make up for it...